Serene - Adult Contemporary Romance
Rep: Shauna Turnmire at ArtHouse Literary
Query Draft 1
Dear [Mx AGENT SURNAME],
I’m seeking representation for my completed 84,000-word adult contemporary romance, SABOTAGE & SERENADES: a slow-burn, enemy-to-lovers romance set against the bustling Los Angeles record label industry which explores physical and mental health, second chances, and discovering joy in the journey. Due to your Manuscript Wish List asking for [INSERT WISH LIST REQUEST HERE], SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a perfect fit with [WHY].
Nicole Reid has never gotten over the accident that ended a promising violin career, but she keeps herself distracted by working long hours as a recording studio assistant. When a promotion of a lifetime is up for grabs, Nic sees the years of tedious mic-checks and coffee runs for an incompetent studio manager as a second chance at a career in music.
That is, until disgraced Broadway composer, Sam Seaford, abruptly enters from stage left, and is awarded the job instead. Nic wouldn’t be so angry had her new boss been anyone other than her college archnemesis—the same man she’s spent twelve years hating for his part in the accident that left her without an arm.
Refusing to start over yet again, Nic instead devises a plan: sabotage Sam’s job and win back the promotion. But in her ploy to befriend the enemy, Nic is getting to know the real Sam, and he’s nothing like the arrogant competitor she once knew. Torn between her growing feelings, and years of deep-seated resentment, Nic must face the music surrounding the accident before her scheming goes too far.
SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a standalone novel with joy and heartbreak that will appeal to fans of Christina Lauren and Abby Jimenez. As a classically trained musician, I’ve utilized my own struggles with mental illness and knowledge of the healing power of music.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my query.
Sincerely,
Serene Chamberlin
Query Draft 1 (With Notes from Professional Editor)
I’m seeking representation for my completed 84,000-word adult contemporary romance, SABOTAGE & SERENADES: a slow-burn, enemy-to-lovers romance set against the bustling Los Angeles record label industry which explores physical and mental health, second chances, and discovering joy in the journey. Due to your Manuscript Wish List asking for [INSERT WISH LIST REQUEST HERE], SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a perfect fit with [WHY].
Nicole Reid has never gotten over the accident that ended hera promising violin career, but she keeps herself distracted Is she just keeping herself distracted, or is this her new reality? The job she’s forced to take in order to pay her bills and that keeps her near her passion—music.by working long hours as a recording studio assistant. When a promotion of a lifetime is up for grabs,Is this because her boss quit/died/was fired? I’m not sure if that would be a more direct way to introduce this promotion Nic sees the years of tedious mic-checks and coffee runs for an incompetent studio manager as a second chance at a career in music.
That is, until disgraced Broadway composer, Sam Seaford, abruptly enters from stage left, and is awarded the job instead. Nic wouldn’t be so angry had her new boss been anyone other than her college archnemesis—the same man she’s spent twelve years hating for his part in the accident that left her without an arm.1st read: THIS is the attention grabbing point! Excellent!
Refusing to start over yet again,Is her choice to 1) quit and work elsewhere or 2) stay and make his life hell and make him pay for having it all while she was robbed of her own future (he seems to be—in her mind anyway—to be constantly destroying her chances!). I suggest a bit more on this. Nic instead devises a plan: sabotage Sam’s job and win back the promotion. But in her ploy to befriend the enemy, Nic is getting to know the real Sam, and he’s nothing like the arrogant competitor she once knew.Excellent insight that there’s a deeper story with him as well (shows fully developed characters). Torn between her growing feelings, and years of deep-seated resentment, Nic must face the music surrounding the accident before her scheming goes too far.I personally don’t like this as an acquisitions reader. It’s very nice and poetic, but it tells me nothing about the real stakes. I suggest being more specific about this. What is she facing? Perhaps the fact that for all these years she’s put the blame for her accident on him, and maybe ignored her own responsibility in the accident? And what if her scheming goes too far? Is she ruining a shot at true happiness? Will she be responsible for becoming like the same person she’s hated all this time?
SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a standalone novel that explores physical and mental health with all the joy and heartbreak that will appeal to fans of Christina Lauren and Abby Jimenez. As a classically trained musician, I’ve utilized my own struggles with mental illness and knowledge of the healing power of music.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my query.
Sincerely, Serene Chamberlin
Query Draft 2
Dear [Mx AGENT SURNAME],
I’m seeking representation for my completed 84,000-word adult contemporary romance, SABOTAGE & SERENADES: a slow-burn, enemy-to-lovers romance set against the bustling Los Angeles record label industry. Due to your Manuscript Wish List asking for [INSERT WISH LIST REQUEST HERE], SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a perfect fit with [WHY].
Nicole Reid has never gotten over the accident that ended her promising violin career. To pay the bills, Nic works long hours as a recording studio assistant, a dead-end job with one perk: it fuels her passion for music. When a promotion of a lifetime is up for grabs, Nic sees it as a second chance for a career in music. That is, until disgraced Broadway composer, Sam Seaford, is awarded the job instead.
Nic wouldn’t be so angry had her new boss been anyone other than her college archnemesis—the same man she’s spent twelve years hating for his part in the accident that left her without an arm.
Refusing to start over yet again, Nic instead devises a plan: sabotage Sam’s job and win back the promotion. But in her ploy to befriend the enemy, Nic gets to know the real Sam, and he’s nothing like the arrogant competitor she once knew. Torn between her growing feelings, and years of deep-seated resentment, Nic must decide if she is willing to destroy someone else’s future to avenge all she’s lost. And what if her one shot at happiness is with the one person to whom she’d never have looked for it?
SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a standalone novel that explores physical and mental health with all the joy and heartbreak that will appeal to fans of Christina Lauren and Abby Jimenez. As a classically trained musician, I’ve utilized my own struggles with mental illness and knowledge of the healing power of music.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my query.
Sincerely,
Serene Chamberlin
Query Draft 2 (With Notes/Advice from a Literary Agent)
I’m seeking representation for my completed 84,000-word adult contemporary romance, SABOTAGE & SERENADES: a slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers romance set against the bustling Los Angeles record label industry. Due to your Manuscript Wish List asking for [INSERT SPECIFIC MSWL], SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a perfect fit [PERSONALIZE].Great info. It’s fine to lead it with or put at the end either way it’s nice and concise. They only thing you are missing is comp titles but maybe they are below… let’s see.
Nicole Reid has never gotten over the accident that ended her promising violin career. To pay the bills, Nic works long hours as a recording studio assistant, a dead-end job with one perk: it fuels her passion for music. When a promotion of a lifetime is up for grabs, Nic sees it as a second chance for a career in music. That is, until disgraced Broadway composer, Sam Seaford, is awarded the job instead.
Nic wouldn’t be so angry had her new boss been anyone other than her college archnemesis—the same man she’s spent twelve years hating for his part in the accident that left her without an arm.
Nic sees only one option: quit and start over from scratch somewhere else. But in her anger that Sam has yet again robbed her of a future, Nic devises a plan: sabotage his job and win back the promotion. Yet in her ploy to befriend the enemy, Nic gets to know the real Sam, and he’s nothing like the arrogant competitor she once knew. Torn between her growing feelings, and years of deep-seated resentment, Nic must decide if she is willing to destroy someone else’s future to avenge all she’s lost. And what if her one shot at happiness is with the one person to whom she’d never have looked for it? This is worded a little weird ending with it and all… you could make this a statement instead of a question or even; And what if her one shot at happiness is with the one person she never expected?
SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a standalone novel that explores physical and mental health with all the joy and heartbreak that will appeal to fans of Abby Jimenez and Sally Thorne. As a classically trained musician, I’ve utilized my life-long struggles with mental illness, and the knowledge of the healing power of music. I would want to know if you have experience with losing an arm or if this has been reviewed by a sensitivity reader to better understand where that portion of Nic’s struggle comes from.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my query. It’s a good solid query. You do give us some pretty popular authors here though which is setting the bar really high for yourself. It might be a good idea to add why you are like these writers or why fans of these writers will also enjoy you but that is nitpicky. Overall, you are in good shape and ready to send this baby into the wild—that is if the MS is as complete and polished as this.
Query Draft 3
Dear [AGENT NAME],
I’m seeking representation for my completed 84,000-word adult contemporary romance, SABOTAGE & SERENADES: a slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers workplace romance set against the bustling Los Angeles record label industry. Per your Manuscript Wish List seeking adult laugh-out-loud romance and women’s fiction highlighting important topics, SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a perfect fit [PERSONALIZE].
Nicole Reid has never gotten over the accident that ended her promising violin career. To pay the bills, Nic works long hours as a recording studio assistant, a dead-end job with one perk: it fuels her passion for music. When a promotion of a lifetime is up for grabs, Nic sees it as a second chance for a career in music. That is, until disgraced Broadway composer, Sam Seaford, is awarded the job instead.
Nic wouldn’t be so angry had her new boss been anyone other than her college archnemesis—the same man she’s spent twelve years hating for his part in the accident that left her without an arm.
Nic sees only one option: quit and start over from scratch somewhere else. But in her anger that Sam has yet again robbed her of a future, Nic devises a plan: sabotage his job and win back the promotion. Yet in her ploy to befriend the enemy, Nic gets to know the real Sam, and he’s nothing like the arrogant competitor she once knew. Torn between her growing feelings, and years of deep-seated resentment, Nic must decide if she is willing to destroy someone else’s future to avenge all she’s lost, or accept a shot at happiness with the one person she never expected.
SABOTAGE & SERENADES is a standalone novel that explores physical and mental health with all the joy and heartbreak that will appeal to fans of Emily Henry and Abby Jimenez. It has been reviewed by an amputee reader to ensure sensitivity and received positive feedback. As a classically trained musician, I’ve also utilized my own struggles with mental illness and knowledge of the healing power of music.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my query.
Sincerely,
Serene Chamberlin
#10Queries RevPit feedback on Query
Query:
Beautifully written. We’re introduced to the MC and what they want, why they want it, what stands in their way and what happens if they don’t get it. The structure of this query is pitch-perfect and is as smooth as a low note on a sax.
10 Pages:
Lovely. Balances character intros as well as external/internal conflict. What makes these pages really work is how the external conflict feeds the internal conflict and vice versa. They’re braided in perfectly here and I can clearly see the stakes of both.
#PitMad Pitches
THE HATING GAME x LA LA LAND (Received like from future agent!)
To win back her dream job, Nic has 3 objectives:
1) Sabotage the new boss, an arrogant college archnemesis responsible for the accident that ended her music career.
2) Avoid any pesky romantic feelings.
3) Don’t get caught.
#pitmad #A #CR #MH #DIS
When Nic’s dream promotion is given to her college archnemesis, she aims to win it back through sabotage. But when old feelings resurface, she must confront the truth of the accident that stole her arm and violin career, before her scheming goes too far. #pitmad #A #CR #MH #DIS
Getting passed over for a record label promotion sucks. Discovering your college arch-nemesis responsible for the accident that stole your arm and a promising violin career just so happens to be your new boss is totally worse. #pitmad #A #CR #MH #DIS
Query Draft 4 (Final)
ACQUIRED AGENT THROUGH PITMAD WITH THIS FINAL QUERY
Dear [AGENT NAME],
Nicole Reid has never gotten over the accident that ended her promising violin career. To pay the bills, Nic works long hours as a recording studio assistant, a dead-end job with one perk: it fuels her passion for music. When a promotion of a lifetime is up for grabs, Nic sees it as a second chance for a career in music. That is, until disgraced Broadway composer, Sam Seaford, is awarded the job instead. Nic wouldn’t be so angry had her new boss been anyone other than her college archnemesis—the same man she’s spent twelve years hating for his part in the accident that left her without an arm.
Nic sees only one option: quit and start over from scratch somewhere else. But in her anger that Sam has yet again robbed her of a future, Nic devises a plan: sabotage his job and win back the promotion. It’s while she’s busy befriending the enemy, Nic gets to know the real Sam, and he’s nothing like the arrogant competitor she once knew. Torn between her growing feelings, and years of deep-seated resentment, Nic must decide if she is willing to destroy someone else’s future to avenge all she’s lost, or accept a shot at happiness with the one person she never expected.
SABOTAGE & SERENADES, complete at 84,000-words, is THE HATING GAME meets LA LA LAND; a slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers workplace romance set against the bustling Los Angeles record label industry. Straddling the line between contemporary romance and women’s fiction (with a dash of humor), SABOTAGE & SERENADES will appeal to fans of Emily Henry and Abby Jimenez.
The manuscript has been reviewed by an amputee reader to ensure sensitivity and received positive feedback. As a classically trained musician, I’ve also utilized my own struggles with chronic physical disability and mental illness, with an honest belief that music and love can heal anything.
Thank you for your time and consideration of my query.
Sincerely,
Serene Chamberlin
Note from Serene:
I never received any feedback from agents who rejected my query that might have helped aid in bettering my query for future submittals. I had a small handful of manuscript requests and subsequent rejections, but none included input/feedback that helped adjust my query and/or manuscript.
After I acquired my agent, my manuscript was still with a small press who did provide me the most feedback on my manuscript (which didn’t help because I’d already acquired an agent, and done a couple revisions).
My query was not pulled from a slush pile, but rather I had success through pitmad. I would recommend finding several avenues toward acquiring an agent (including pitmad, and/or Twitter contests) and use every single one you can. Perfect your pitches!