Common Query “Hiccups”

A few weeks ago, I posted a question on Twitter asking for blog post suggestions and a friend asked about common mistakes in queries. I read/critique queries all the time and love doing it! So, I went through my query archives and compiled a list of issues (we’ll call them “hiccups”) I frequently see. If you read on, please keep in mind that I’m not an agent, my opinion is subjective, and this list is not exhaustive. Still, I hope you find it useful!

Note: these are in no particular order aside from the order in which I thought of them.

General Vagueness

Specificity is your friend! If your query is too vague, your plot points lose all meaning and become inconsequential and uninteresting. Don’t tell an agent about a “dark threat”— be specific!— tell them there’s a soul-eating sorcerer. Or a serial killer.

Maybe your stakes aren’t life and death. That’s fine too. Regardless of the severity of your stakes, be specific. Regardless of the conflict, be specific. If your query has phrases like, “their world turns upside down” or “everything in so-so’s life changes” or “mysterious/dark threat” double-check to make sure you’ve clarified what it means.

Query Shark has an excellent critique on this issue. If you’re curious about what an extremely vague query might look like and how to fix it, check it out here.

Making Your MC Sound Boring

I see this ALL the time, particularly in contemporary and fantasy. So many queries start with “Sally’s life was perfect/normal, until…” or variations on a theme. I get why this happens: authors want to draw attention to the difference between the MC’s world at the beginning of the story and highlight that shift. The problem is that, in so doing, you’ve made your MC sound boring.

Instead of saying what makes your MC generic, tell us what makes them different. Your MC doesn’t need to be a fire-breathing dragon to be interesting, but they need something more than “normal” for us to care about them. Don’t tell us what makes your MC sound like everyone else, tell us what makes them worth reading about.

Excessive Info Dumps and World-Building

This is mostly a fantasy issue, but it can happen in any genre. A lot of authors use the first paragraph as set-up. If it’s fantasy or sci-fi, they set-up the world. If it’s contemporary, they set-up the character’s life, often with little details that have no bearing on the plot.

As much time as you’ve poured into crafting a world/setting, we don’t need to know everything about it in the query. The query’s job is to hook us into your MC, the conflict, tension, and the stakes. Save worldbuilding for pages.

In general, cut background info and world-building from your query unless it’s immediately relevant to the choices your MC makes in the query.

Meandering to the Plot

This ties in really well with the last point. When an author overloads the beginning of a query with background info and worldbuilding, it takes forever to get to the actual plot of the story.

When you think about it, you really only have ~250 words (give or take depending on the query) to describe your MC, conflict, tension, and stakes. Which means you need to get to the point as soon as possible.

If your inciting incident (or a relevant plot point) isn’t in the first paragraph of your query, ask yourself why. And if the reason is that you have a lot of information but no plot in the first paragraph, consider making cuts.

Too Many Named Characters

I LOVE characters. Writing characters is my favorite part of writing. But the query isn’t the time to introduce us to all of them. We really only need to know the important ones and even then, not all of them need names in the query.

Ideally, you have, at most, 2-3 named characters. For unnamed characters, you can usually define them by their relationship to the MC. For example, if the MC’s best friend is mentioned once but isn’t a significant part of the query, you can refer to them simply as “best friend.” No need for us to know their name is Sam.

In general, cut down on characters in the query. If possible, try and limit yourself to the MC, a secondary important character, and a love interest if applicable. If you have more characters needed for the query, don’t name them all. Character soup can get confusing. Whenever possible, try to eliminate agent confusion.

Too Many Proper Nouns/Fantasy Terms

Again, the query is mostly about character, conflict, tension, and stakes. We don’t need to know the names of all the kingdoms in your high fantasy. Or the names of the rival factions in your sci-fi dystopia. Or the name of your MC’s high school in your YA contemporary.

Too many extraneous details are, at best, distracting and, at worst, confusing.

Word Count Too High or Too Low

If you’re curious about the ideal word count for your age category and genre, check it out here. A little over and under isn’t the end of the world, but if you’re way over or way under your target word count, you’re setting yourself up for some automatic rejections. This doesn’t mean you should keep it out of a query— misleading agents isn’t a great start for a relationship— BUT, if your word count is really off, consider making cuts or additions as needed to your manuscript.

I know people hate to hear this and I promise I’m not trying to pick on you, but if you’re querying a 200k-word YA thriller, you’re shooting yourself in the foot.

No Stakes or Unclear Stakes

Your query needs to answer the questions: What does your MC want? What’s stopping them from getting it? What will happen if they do or don’t get what they want?

Essentially, what does your MC have to lose?

A lot of queries introduce the MC and inciting incident and the story sounds AMAZING. Then we get to the stakes and I’m given no reason to care. A classic instance of this: the MC has to make a choice between two things, but the consequences of either choice are never explained. For example:

“Paul has to decide between following his dreams or playing it safe.” But this, on its own, isn’t interesting. What happens if Paul chooses option A? What happens if Paul chooses option B? In order to have stakes, you need to be explicit about what the MC has to lose or gain. Simply having a choice to make isn’t the same thing as having stakes. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again— when querying, specificity is your friend.

Vague “Secrets”

I love secrets. The juicier the better. But a secret isn’t interesting without context. I read a lot of queries about how the MC uncovers a “dark secret” that “changes everything.” The problem is that this doesn’t mean anything. The secret could literally be anything, and if it could be anything, it’s not specific enough to be interesting.

Of course, you don’t have to give away spoilers, but if your entire plot centers around an unnamed secret, it’s more confusing than intriguing. Personally, if a secret is revealed early on in the book, I support revealing it in the query. But not everyone is comfortable with that, and that’s ok.

If you don’t want to reveal a secret in the query but it’s the focus of the plot, you still need context. Make it clear what’s at stake if this secret gets out and what your MC has to lose.

In short: Don’t say there’s a “secret” without saying why it matters.

Random Details, No Payoff

Think about querying like golf— your follow-through matters (I hope that made sense. I’ve never played golf). Don’t bring up minor details in the query if you’re not going to follow through. Not everything that’s relevant to the overall plot of your story is relevant in your query.

This happens all the time. And it makes sense. We spend so much time planning out every detail of our stories and we want to include those details in the query because we know their overall significance. The problem is, there’s not enough room in a query to fully explore all of those random tidbits of information.

A common example: mentioning a best friend in the first sentence who doesn’t factor into the rest of the query at all. You don’t need that!

You have limited space, so each and every detail you mention should have some purpose in your query. If it doesn’t, cut it.

Listing Problems With Zero Tension

Another big one. Friends, dumping a list of all the things going wrong in your MC’s life isn’t the same thing as building tension. A problem can only create tension if we know how it interferes with the MC’s goals. Don’t just tell me something is going wrong for your MC, tell me why it matters to them specifically.

Rhetorical Questions

Don’t ask if Sally will be able to save the world in time. Tell me what she’s up against and what she has to lose as a statement, not a question.

*Too Many POVs

There’s an asterisk by this one because it’s more of a cautionary suggestion than a “hiccup.” If your story is dual/multi-POV, that doesn’t mean your query needs to be. Of course, there are people who write dual/multi-POV queries effectively, but you are making your job ten times harder if you have too many POVs in a query.

People tell me all the time that the reason their query is confusing is because there are multiple POVs. Unfortunately (and I apologize if this sounds harsh) having multiple POVs doesn’t give you license to have a confusing query.

If you choose to have more than one POV in the query, each character still needs to have clear motivations and goals. There still needs to be clear stakes and conflict. The catch is that you still only have about 250 words to clarify all of that information for multiple characters in a unique and interesting way.

It’s often easier to focus your query on one POV, mention other characters, and clarify how many POVs your story has in the meta-data. Again, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, but cutting down the POVs in your query can make your job as a querying author that much easier.

*A Planned Series

This is another one that’s not always a dealbreaker, but remember “Series potential” is your friend. You only pitch one book at a time, even if you’ve already written the next book in the series.

The goal of a query is to entice the agent to read your pages. I promise, when you have THE CALL with an agent, they’ll ask you about your series potential. Again, this isn’t always a dealbreaker, but please remember the job of a query: getting an agent hooked on this book. Not the next one.

Telling a Story That’s Not Yours to Tell

Fortunately, I don’t get these in my inbox, but this is an important point that deserves its own post (and I might make one eventually). Please, please, please be mindful of if you’re the best person to tell a story.

This one is not my opinion. You NEED to be thoughtful about the story you’re telling, the perspective you’re telling it from, and who reading it might be harmed. Period. Full stop.

In Conclusion…

Contrary to the name Query Queen, I’m not an expert. And a lot of these rules are subjective, but in my experience, avoiding these “hiccups” will make your job as a querying author easier and make your query more interesting. You may have noticed a theme— BE SPECIFIC. If you remember nothing else from this post, please remember to be specific in your query. Be specific about your MC, their goals, the tension, and the stakes. Agents are inundated with queries. If you want to stand out, you need to be clear about what in your story is different from everyone else. Details are your friend. Use them.

Hope this helps! And, as always, if you have more questions, let me know!

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